A stim that makes people uncomfortable because it’s different is not your fault. White canes and wheelchairs might make people uncomfortable too, but those disabled people aren’t expected to abandon them. If your stim is not “socially appropriate,” that’s fine. Only abandon it if you (and you alone) aren’t comfortable with it. If you are autistic and feel uncomfortable with stimming in public, the article How to Be Openly Autistic may help you. The only time your stim should change for others is if it involves touching them without their consent. This is your choice.
Bored/underwhelmed Antsy Overwhelmed Frustrated or angry Ashamed
Get neurodivergent input. The autistic community can provide insights, especially the #AskAnAutistic hashtag, and autistic writers willing to share their alternative stims. If you’re comfortable asking your loved ones, they may have insights about your behavior patterns you didn’t notice. You can say, “I’m trying to stop this bad habit. Have you noticed any A therapist or habit reversal specialist may be able to talk it through with you. Get medical info. Research to see if the stim has turned into a disorder, such as dermatillomania (skin picking) or trichotillomania (hair pulling). These can be difficult to handle.
Keep the list somewhere accessible as you begin learning to redirect the harmful stim.
If you put objects in your mouth for oral stimulation, replace it with gum or candy. If you rip paper or scratch your skin to keep your fingers busy, play with your hair or a favorite stim toy instead. If you hit yourself, try massaging yourself, using weighted blankets/toys, or finding another way to get deep pressure.
Less harmful stims might be a “stepping stone” to completely harmless stims. If you relapse, you’ll have a less harmful stim to use, rather than the most dramatic one.
Ask a friend or family member to tell you when they see you doing it. Use a physical reminder. Wear a hat if you pick at your forehead, and put on icky-tasting clear nail polish if you bite your nails.
If you get overwhelmed often, work on strategies like earplugs, hoodies, and plenty of quiet time to help keep things low-key. If you tend to get antsy, you need more exercise and engaging activities. Make time to get around and move. You can also keep stim toys at your desk and use an exercise ball as a desk chair so you can bounce and move.
Accept yourself for who you are. Set aside “me time” each day to enjoy your special interests, take a warm bath, read a book, or do whatever makes you happy. Use deep pressure (weighted blankets, brushes) to feel calm. Drop any friends, activities, or therapists that make you feel worse instead of better.
If you don’t have anyone like this, reach out. Join a club, find a caring mentor, do whatever you can do. Everyone deserves a good support network.
Sometimes, people stim as a way to deal with physical discomfort. For example, if your head hurts and the only thing that helps is hitting it, you might have a problem with your head or mouth, so it could be worth having a doctor or dentist take a look.
