For example, getting very angry that your friend broke a disposable plastic cup is a disproportionate response. Think about your relationship with them to figure out if a behavior or past action has upset you deeply.
If you see that a coworker, for example, writes a report that another coworker sends back for edits, look closer. If they didn’t sit down and carefully read the report, you might help them address their conflict. Their relationship is coloring their perception of each other’s work.
Try to stay calm by remembering that settling the conflict is the goal here, not proving your point. Another tactic is asking them to help you come up with ways to solve the problem. This takes some of the pressure off you, which may help you relax. Trying to settle a conflict with tempers flaring is counterproductive. If either party is upset, call a quick break so you can discuss the issue calmly. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
For example, a good follow-up question might be: “when did you first notice I wasn’t returning your phone calls?” This question simply seeks to establish a timeline for your conflict. An example of a combative follow-up question is: “did you try one of the million other ways to get in touch with me?” This question is intended to make the other person feel stupid and wrong. This will only make them more defensive and offended, taking you farther from a resolution to your conflict.
You may have to forgo getting your way. For example, the root of your conflict might be that your friend borrowed your car without asking, and nearly wrecked. They may not understand why you are so upset about it, and this lack of understanding has grown into anger. A solution might be that you don’t mind if they borrow your car, as long as they ask first and drive safely.
For example, don’t tell the other person: “I don’t like the way you borrow my car without asking. ” While this may be an important aspect of your conflict, in the solutions phase of the conflict resolution, it keeps you dwelling on the past. Instead, tell them: “we need to establish some rules for using my car if you need to borrow it again in the future. ” This sentence proposes a reasonable solution rather than simply restating what the issue is.
For example, you may not agree about whether it is unreasonable for someone to borrow their roommate’s car without asking. However, start by agreeing that the traffic incident they had on your car was inconvenient for all parties.
An example of a compromise might be giving one roommate laundry room privileges on weekend nights and weekdays, and the other on weekend days and week nights. By alternating who has time allotted to use the laundry machine, you avoid future conflicts surrounding both of you wanting to do the wash at the same time.
Family members make the best mediators for sibling disputes. Parents, older siblings, or neighborhood friends are good people to turn to for conflict resolution. Workplace disputes are a little more sensitive because there are laws and policies in place to control conflicts. Supervisors or human resource personnel are usually the appropriate parties to resolve conflicts. Check with your company handbook before acting as a formal or informal mediator.
This will be easy if it is, for example, a workplace dispute. A supervisor can tell them that their work is suffering and they are required to discuss their conflict. Getting two fighting friends in the same room to settle a conflict may be more tricky. The most straightforward way is to tell each of them you want to help them talk through their problems with each other. If it is too sensitive an issue, you might need to invite them to the same get together without saying anything about the other person. This is a risky move, however.
For example, you may need to explain more to children. Try telling each of them why their conflict is unhealthy and harmful. Remind them how much fun they used to have. If you are handling a conflict between two close adult friends, you can be more brief and informal. Tell them their conflict is upsetting and uncomfortable for those around them. They need to start talking. For workplace disputes, you may have a script or list of talking points you are legally required to cover. If not, a good route is to tell them that their conflict is affecting their work performance. Check with your company policies to see what is expected of you.
For example, you may choose to point out that your friend was in the wrong for borrowing his friend’s car without asking.
For example, you might offer your friends with the car dispute the following solutions. You can quit loaning him your car altogether to avoid future problems. You can continue to loan him your car, but make ground rules clear. But recognize you may not be able to solve their problem. You don’t need to come up with a solution if there is no easy answer to their problem. For example, if one person’s partner left them for second person, you may not have an easy solution. However, getting their feelings out in the open may be therapeutic for both of them. [9] X Research source
Try to avoid telling them to say they’re sorry. Simply asking them to make up should provoke them to say they’re sorry naturally. Saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ is a point of contention for many people, and they will do that when they’re ready.
