For instance, if your spouse has just come home from work, give them some time to unwind before you bring up something that’s bothering you.
Making eye contact shows your spouse that you’re listening to them and care what they have to say. It also helps you feel more connected to each other.
For instance, you could say, “I wish you would clean up the kitchen after you’re finished cooking. When you leave it messy, I feel like you don’t appreciate how hard I work to keep the place clean. ”
It’s also a good idea to steer clear of the words “always” and “never. ” For example, instead of saying, “You never tell me when you’re going to be working late,” say, “I feel unimportant to you when you work overtime and don’t text me. ”
For example, if your spouse says, “I just need time alone sometimes,” you could mirror that statement by saying, “So you feel like you can unwind and relax best by yourself, is that right?”
For instance, if your spouse prefers to use the dishwasher and you would rather wash dishes by hand, try using each method on alternate weeks. Compromise means that sometimes you will get your way, while other times your spouse will get their way.
If you’re getting too angry to talk rationally, go somewhere by yourself and take a few deep breaths, or blow off steam by taking a walk around the block.
For instance, if you’re arguing about how often to mow the lawn, don’t bring up an old disagreement about where your kids should go to school.
For example, if your husband makes a rash decision, resist the urge to call him “stupid” or “an idiot. " Even if you feel it’s true in the moment, it will only make communication and conflict resolution even harder. Ask your spouse to explain their perspective so that you can understand why they made the decision. Then you can calmly discuss the issue including input from both of you.
For example, your spouse tells you they need some space and you assume they are trying to leave the marriage. Ask for clarification. “Space” could simple mean more time and room to think things over. If something is bothering you, address it. Don’t spend time by yourself stewing over what may have been an innocent action or remark.
For example, if your husband likes to move some pillows to a different chair when he comes home from work, don’t nag him over it. Putting the pillows back is easier than fighting.
For example, you could say something like, “Thanks so much for making dinner when I get home late. That makes my evenings a lot more relaxing. ”
