If this is someone who should not be asking you for sex because you do not know them or because of your relationship, say “I don’t think that question is appropriate for you to ask me. ” You should leave and find a friend. If the request is more vague, for example, if someone is trying to get you to have sex and says “don’t you think I’m cute”, you should say “that is not what this is about. ” Acknowledging their remark will help you seem confident and strong.
If this is someone you are interested in but you don’t want to have sex, you can say “thank you for the invitation, but no, I don’t have sex. ” Depending on how close you are, you can explain to the person your reasons. If you are with someone you might want to have sex with in the future, you can say “Thank you for asking, but no, I don’t want to have sex until I know you even better. ” If this is someone who is just your friend, say “thank you for asking, but no, I just want to be friends. ”
If you do not know the person and you feel uncomfortable, find your friends or get out your cell phone to show the person that you are busy.
If they keep suggesting sex, you should leave. You will not be able to have a good time with this person if they are mainly interested in having sex, and you do not want to have sex.
Do not feel bad about stopping the action. If someone is trying to force sex on you, you need to respect yourself and your body. This is your body and you have a right to defend yourself as well as say no to any kind of unwanted physical advance.
Talk before the heat of the moment; it will be easier to express yourself clearly when you are clear headed. [4] X Research source This conversation may end up clearing up tension between you two. Perhaps your partner has also wanted to talk to you about sex.
You can start by asking them about how they feel about your sex life. You want them to know that their feelings matter and that you are interested in hearing them out. Explain that this conversation is not a rejection. You may also want to explain that this conversation is not a negotiation of what you will do sexually. Explain that this conversation should be a mutual exchange of boundaries, solutions and communication needs.
Ask them if they have any suggestions for ways that you can respect each others’ boundaries.
You can establish a better time when you will want to have sex. It can be exciting when you both know when you will have sex later.
You might decide you don’t want any touching under the clothes, for example. Or maybe your boundaries are based on what is going on at the time. Maybe you know that you don’t like to have sex when the kids are at home. It can help to take some time alone and really ask yourself what you want.
Sounding ambiguous or vague will not help you communicate, so be clear. Additionally, you may find that you feel even better and have better self confidence after you have stated your boundaries.
This conversation can help you connect emotionally with the other person. Perhaps you are having this conversation because this person keeps pushing a certain sexual boundary. You need to acknowledge this as the reason for the conversation. You do not need to condemn the person, but you need to communicate what their actions are doing. For example, you can say “I need you to stop doing _____. It makes me feel this way/experience this/go through this. ” Remember—someone who loves and cares about you will respect your boundaries.
