“Am I upset with my FWB over something they did?” “Am I distracted by all the stuff I have to do for school or work or anything else?” “Am I just too exhausted to hook up right now?”

“I want to keep hooking up, but if we’re going to, you have to know that you hurt my feelings when you did/said __. ” “I’m sorry, but I have to finish these projects for school/work/etc. before I can play. ” “I’d love to hook up right now, but I’m too zonked out to be any fun. ”

“I can’t right now, but let’s definitely get together this weekend. ” “Maybe I’ll call you once I’ve finished all this work, and we can talk dirty. ” “I don’t know when I’ll be free, but maybe I’ll make it worth the wait and we can try something new. ”

Have either one of you met someone new whom you’d rather be with? Is your casual arrangement growing into something too serious for you to handle? Are you unsatisfied with keeping things casual?

When you feel like your resolve might weaken in direct conversation. If your FWB has a track record of being obstinate, manipulative, or slow on the uptake. If you are in a long-distance relationship, have conflicting schedules, or face some other obstacle that makes seeing each other in person a chore even in the best of times.

“What we have is obviously a lot of fun, but now that So-and-So and I are getting serious, it’s not really fair to them for us to keep doing this. ” “I really enjoy what we have, but I feel like we’re becoming a little too involved, and I’m not ready for that. ” “I thought I could handle keeping things casual, but now I think I’m expecting too much, which isn’t fair to you. ”

Allow yourself to experience the sense of loss. Spend more time with other friends and family. Avoid hanging out with your ex-FWB right away, especially in situations that often led to the two of you cashing in on your benefits. Be firm. If your FWB has a hard time hearing you say no, you must be firm and resolute. Make your statement definitive, saying something like, “I am saying no and this is my final answer,” for example. [11] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.

If you feel jealous when they start dating someone new, admit to it. Even if you’re the one who broke things off, you’re still human, and the quicker you can laugh about it with your ex-FWB, the better. If you feel tempted to relapse, or feel like your friend is still trying to claim benefits from you, talk about it so you can set up clear boundaries for the both of you to follow.

“Now that I’m seeing So-and-So, I feel like I’m only being half-hearted with them because I still think of you as more than just a friend. ” “I’m not ready for a serious relationship, but it feels like that is where we ended up, and it wouldn’t be fair to keep going just because it seems like that is the only way for us to stay friends at all. ” “I said at the start that I was fine with ‘no strings attached’ because I truly thought I was fine with it, but now I realize you mean much more to me than that, and I can’t go back to the way things were without pretending to be okay with that, too. ”

If they continue to pursue benefits after you have told them that things are over, write them a text or email to restate your decision, using no uncertain terms, so that it is right there, in plain language, for them to see, without providing them a chance to argue the point. [14] X Research source It may be necessary to set firm boundaries. Politely state you would like no further contact and that you are ending the conversation and walk away. [15] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.

Exes often try to remain friends because one or both hope to reconnect some day. [17] X Research source It may seem cold, but if you truly want to avoid relapsing with your FWB ever again, the best way is to commit to a life without them.