Your friends needn’t be trained Rogerian therapists; you simply need to ask them to listen and paraphrase the message and identify underlying emotion, without judgement or their own opinion about the subject. If your friend doesn’t seem to be capturing your emotion, you just have lots of opportunity to clarify. Keep talking until you are satisfied you have helped your friend understand. You’ll be surprised how much better you understand yourself by the end of the activity.
This will help you become more self-aware of your behavioral patterns and also provide a framework for changing undesirable behavior.
Taking quizzes with a friend allows you to test how well your self-perceptions match others’ perceptions of you. Ask your friend to answer the questions as they apply to you, while you take the quiz for yourself. You can then compare answers and discuss instances where your answers don’t match. Reflection only requires an internal focus of attention, but some may find this difficult. Quiet contemplation alone may actually improve self awareness and insight into others’ perceptions of you. [6] X Trustworthy Source Association for Psychological Science Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences Go to source If you aren’t in the habit of reflecting on your behavior, you may find doing so unproductive or uncomfortable. Engaging in structured activity will help you to feel more at ease.
If the person you’ve asked for feedback is still reluctant, guide his or her responses. Ask him or her to identify your strengths. Then, ask him or her to identify your weaknesses. You can make this constructive by asking for ideas for ways to overcome your weakness. This is best done with someone who knows you well and you trust not to use this as an opportunity just to be mean. Prepare yourself to hear unpleasant things before you ask the question. If you become defensive, the exercise will not be helpful. If you feel yourself becoming defensive, remember this is an opportunity for growth.
The internal experience of mirroring typically happens automatically and outside of our conscious control. This means it usually happens whether you want it to or not, and may affect your outward behavior, without awareness.
While the inward experience of mirroring is often automatic, you are in control of the outward expressions of mirroring. You can choose to respond contrary to mirroring.
Identify when mirroring may be reinforcing particular responses or shading perceptions. Because mirroring largely occurs beyond our awareness, variations in expressions of mirroring unknowingly impact others’ impressions of us. Those who fail to express outward signs of mirroring may be seen as cold and unfeeling, while those who mirror vigorously may be viewed as reactive, aggressive, unstable, or annoying. [10] X Research source If you find impressions of you are skewed because of atypical mirroring patterns, you will either have to accept others’ characterization of you, or consciously work to change your mirroring patterns. You may need to actively work to increase or decrease your mimicking of others. You can practice increasing or decreasing mimicking with close friends.
If the discussion has become more negative than you’d like, you can introduce positive expressions. Occasionally smiling softly, will elicit similar behavior in response. Progressively decrease your volume and soften your language to reduce intensity. Laughing will result in injections of humor from others to lighten the mood.
Your responses to others may be distorted because of personal biases or projections. Sigmund Freud introduced projection as a defense mechanism and was later expanded upon by Anna Freud. To avoid dealing with our own unacceptable or undesirable thoughts and feelings, we attribute them to another person. [11] X Research source This then colors our impressions of the other person’s behaviors and shapes the way we respond to him or her. This in turn, influences the other’s perception of you. To be sure you are accurately perceiving others and responding appropriately, you should seek to verify your perceptions.
If something about your personality causes you enough distress that you would rather lie or hide it, you should be working to change it. You must first acknowledge the trait(s) to change them.
In addition to projecting our own thoughts and feelings on others, we sometimes incorporate others’ projections into our sense of self. It may be that someone in your life projects negative feelings and emotions onto you, so you then respond with negative feelings and emotions. That person then uses your responses to validate his or her characterization of you. [13] X Research source Ask outsiders to observe your interactions with the person and to share their opinions of the dynamic.
