Some pathological liars may be actively trying to gain sympathy in a situation. They may tend to exaggerate or make up pains and illnesses, for example, or exaggerate small issues in their lives to ridiculous proportions in order to gain sympathy from anyone within earshot. Pathological liars may also have low self-esteem. They may lie to make themselves look more important than they truly are. They may exaggerate accomplishments in personal or professional areas in order to make their lives seem impressive and worthy. In this case, they may be lying to convince themselves rather than to mislead you. Some pathological liars simply lie out of boredom. They will fabricate events and make up lies to hurt others. This creates drama, alleviating boredom in the pathological liar’s life. Some pathological liars may enjoy the attention that they get from others by telling extravagant stories about themselves. In order to keep up appearances, they may spin larger and more complicated lies.
You may hear a pathological liar repeat the story of a friend or family member. They may also repeat stories from movies or television shows. The stories may be embellished slightly in the pathological liar’s version. For example, your co-worker tells a story that sounds familiar to you, but you’re unsure where you’ve heard it before. Later, you see a similar story on the news. If your co-worker is a pathological liar, they may very well have lifted the story from the news and presented it as their own.
For example, your friend reveals she had a falling out with her best friend fairly recently. You’ve been having issues getting along with this friend, and wonder whether her relationship difficulties may be a pattern for her. You ask her something like, “Why did you and Eliza stop talking?” The friend may respond with something like, “We haven’t really talked for a year. " She’s not really answering the question. She may dodge more direct questions. For example, you ask her something like, “Did you used to blow off Eliza the way you blow me off a lot?” She may reply with something like, “Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”
Pathological liars frequently use sexual tension as a means of emotional manipulation. If you’re attracted to the suspected pathological liar, they may flirt with you when confronted about their lies. They will also study you carefully and learn where your personal limits are. Pathological liars have a good sense of which people will believe which lies. They may realize, for example, you will not believe lies about sickness, but may believe lies about emotional problems. If you hear the liar talking to someone else, they may fabricate claims of aches and pains but not mention these ailments to you.
A pathological liar may become very defensive. They may blame someone else for their lies. For example, “The only reason I had to make that up was because our boss is so difficult. " They may also come up with another lie to cover up the first one. For example, “No, I did use that money to get the car fixed, but I also used half of it to pay for those groceries. I forgot to tell you I stopped at the store. " They also may become angry when caught lying. They may become angry and begin yelling, or start crying in order to elicit sympathy.
You may be able to use this history to discover the patterns of their lying. Are they only lying in certain circumstances? Do they try to reinvent themselves or impress others with their lies? Are they lying to avoid talking about certain situations?
A pathological liar may not break their gaze when speaking to you. It’s normal to look away on occasion in conversation. A pathological liar, however, will stare you in the eyes for as long as you talk. You also may notice subtle signs of lying in the eyes. A pathological liar’s pupils may dilate slightly, and they may also blink slowly.
For example, you hear your co-worker tell a story at lunch. Later, during downtime, the suspected pathological liar repeats the same story, as if it happened to them. While you know this person is lying, they seem completely unbothered. They tell the story without any signs of distress or agitation and seem at ease with themselves. If you didn’t know better, you would have no trouble believing the story.
You may notice a slight change in pitch. A pathological liar’s voice may get higher or lower when lying. A pathological liar may also lick their lips or drink water when talking. The stress from telling lies may cause adrenaline or the constriction of vocal chords, leading to an increased need for water.
Another example is that autistic people tend to fidget a lot. They may unwittingly stare a lot or avoid eye contact altogether. This isn’t a sign of lying, just a sign of being different.
For example, you may notice a co-worker drinking extra at a company party. You may see them filling up their drink when no one else is at the bar, or even notice them carrying a flask. You may also notice you don’t see one co-worker eat at lunch, but sometimes find evidence of food having been in their office. They may be very secretive about eating habits, and habitually turn down offers to get food with co-workers.
A pathological liar may have a tendency to exaggerate their importance. They may see something innocuous, like a compliment from a boss, as a sign of personal greatness. When recounting the compliment, they may fluff its importance. A pathological liar may lack basic life skills, but may not see this as a problem. If the person has a distorted view of reality, they may honestly believe what they are saying. While this is not true of all pathological liars, consider the possibility that the person is not lying out of malice.
Does this person have stable friendships or romantic relationships? A lack of longterm friends, and a series of failed romances, may indicate a pathological liar. A pathological liar may also be estranged from their family.
For example, a pathological liar may have a long resume. Most of the jobs will only have been short term. If you ask the pathological liar about their career, they may dodge questions. In some cases, a pathological liar may have moved around a lot due to sudden career changes. Pathological liars often burn bridges with employers.
