Focus on relaxing imagery as you breathe, like a beach or comfortable place from your childhood. Visualize your negative emotions passing away with each breath. When someone hurts you, it’s tough to get them out of your head. Taking a break to clear your mind can help you keep your cool and break a negative thought pattern.
Sending the letter could escalate the situation, so keep it private. Destroying the letter will help make sure that someone else doesn’t stumble upon it by accident.
Try to vent to someone who’s removed from the situation. For example, if you’re frustrated with a coworker, tell your sister who works elsewhere instead of another coworker. This avoids creating drama. Don’t vent about someone you hate at the place where you interact with them, like school or work. It might get back to the person, or you might end up getting labelled as a gossip or unprofessional.
Bad example: “Mark is an elitist pig, and I won’t put up with it anymore! It’s like he’s trying to humiliate me on purpose! He’s always criticizing me in front of everyone! I need you to do something about him!” Good example: “I’m trying to get along with Mark, and it’s just not working. Often, when I show him my work, he loudly lists off criticisms, often in public. It leaves me feeling humiliated, and I dread going to work because of it. I’ve never seen him do this to anyone else. I’ve asked him to give me critique in private, but he refuses. I don’t know how to handle this. I could really use some advice. "
Ask your primary doctor or trusted friends and family for a referral to a mental health professional. You can also look for one online or check your insurer’s listing.
You might find the person is easier to tolerate in small doses. Don’t completely ignore them if you have to work with them on a project. If you have to work with them, keep your conversation professional.
For instance, if you hate them because they constantly criticize everyone around them, do your best to ignore it. Try brushing off their comments by saying, “Well, to each their own. Anyway, let’s get to work and finish up this project. ”
For example, if you’re paired with them on a project and they say something offensive, don’t respond. Say, “Our deadline is coming up fast, so we should stay focused on finishing this. " It might be tempting to engage them or correct an ignorant opinion, but it’s not worth your time.
“Please don’t touch me. " “No, thanks. I have plans. " “I’m not interested. Try asking someone else. " “I asked you not to touch me. I need you to knock it off. "
Spending time with someone you hate could be helpful if there’s something about them that irks you. You might find they do the thing you hate because they’re compensating for an insecurity or just don’t know any better. However, if they hurt you or if you morally object to their behavior, just try to avoid them. Spending time with them may be especially helpful if their behavior is similar to yours, or if the issue is really about you and not about them.
Try responding to transgressions with ambivalence. When they act rudely, say “okay,” “thanks for sharing,” or “that’s interesting” and change the subject.
They remind you of someone who hurt you in the past. They have a trait that you don’t like in yourself (e. g. being too sensitive, clingy, or irresponsible). They do something that you think is morally wrong (such as being cruel or hypocritical). They have something you want: success, freedom, talent, self acceptance, et cetera. You’re afraid that they’ll replace you or outshine you.
For example, they might have been harshly criticized when they were young, so now they criticize others and boast about their accomplishments, to help them more secure. While someone’s past doesn’t excuse their behavior, seeing the bigger picture can help you put their actions in context. You still might not like them or their actions, but understanding them better can help you get along with them.
For instance, tell them, “I feel insecure and disrespected when you dismiss and poke fun at my opinions. We don’t have to be best friends, but I’d like to find a way to be cordial and respectful with each other. ” Disengage if it goes bad. Say “I don’t want to argue, so I’m going to leave” and walk away.
“I’m sorry that I called you out in front of everyone. Yes, your behavior bothered me, and I had reason to be upset. But it wasn’t appropriate for me to embarrass you like that. I should have taken you aside instead of saying it in front of the entire room. " “I’m sorry that I called you a heartless jerk. I was upset with you, but that’s no excuse for name calling. I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m sorry. " “I’m sorry that I’ve been so judgmental about your quirks. I realize that this is a flaw of mine, and I’m working on it. Please don’t take any of my past behavior to heart. It’s not about you. It’s about me. "
