Focusing on bad memories, or ruminating, can hurt your problem-solving skills. For example, you may feel helpless in the face of a work-related hurdle instead of tackling the problem head-on. Ruminating can also lead to unhealthy behaviors like binge drinking or other forms of self medication intended to stop the negative thoughts. Ruminating on bad memories leads to negative thinking patterns associated with depression and anxiety. [1] X Research source
Thinking about bad memories can also inhibit your ability to forge new connections with people. For example, if you are overwhelmed with bad memories about a breakup, you may not feel open to meeting someone new. [3] X Research source
Repetitive bad memories, especially traumatic ones, can create a sense of hopelessness and make it difficult to feel optimistic. You may feel that since something bad already happened, it is bound to happen again. [4] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source This can affect your ability to take good care of yourself and make plans for your own future. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
To practice mindfulness, try focusing on physical sensations you feel in the present moment. Notice the temperature of the air or the pressure of your feet against the ground. Focus on the physical feelings until you’re able to stop thinking about the bad memories. You can also practice mindfulness by repeating a positive statement to yourself. Try telling yourself, “I don’t have to think about that right now. "
If you want to try exposure therapy on your own, be aware that it can make things worse. If possible, consult with a therapist to learn more about the process before attempting exposure therapy by yourself. If you try exposure therapy and find that you your bad memories are still consistently present, seek outside help.
Ask yourself: “Is there an actual threat to me right now? Or is that threatening feeling coming from inside my body?"[9] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 December 2020. Self-guided exposure may be most effective if broken down into several sessions. You may sit with the memory for just five minutes at first, noticing that you are still safe despite bringing up these painful thoughts. You might increase the time you spend thinking about it each day until you notice yourself not responding as severely as before. Over time, the memories will affect you less and less. If you are having trouble doing this exercise in your head, grab a pen and a notebook and write down the details of the event from beginning to end. Writing a draft may be good enough for a first session. The next time you might read it aloud. If you have to stop due to crying, then always pick up where you left off. If things progress well, you will feel stronger and require fewer breaks each time you read over details of the event. Don’t hold back the emotions associated with these memories. Shout, pound on the floor or cry if you have to. Just let the feeling into your conscious mind. Soak it up, absorb your grief or sorrow.
Another option for letting go is holding a ritual ceremony. If your repetitive memories relate to a loved one you have lost, performing some sort of ritual like lighting candles for the person or releasing balloons can be a symbolic way of letting go of the pain. If the painful memories involve a traumatic event, you can agree to compartmentalize the pain after you have faced it, and each year on a day of your choosing you can purposely feel all the emotions relating to the event. Over time, you will find yourself mourning less. [11] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U. S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source Letting go is a process and you won’t be able to rid yourself of these painful memories overnight. If the memories persist, it is best to get professional help.
Possible treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder include cognitive-behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, stress inoculation training, and medications. If you have PTSD, your mental health provider will discuss with you possible treatment options. You may also want to look into Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which can be performed by a qualified mental health professional. This treatment has been shown to reduce the vividness and emotions associated with a traumatic memory. [14] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
Such a group exposes you to others who have encountered and prevailed through distressing situations. You can learn practical coping mechanisms to handle anxiety or stress. You may also make lifelong friends.
Life is short! Spend it with people whose company you enjoy and who make you feel good about yourself and life.
Having faith in the future and working to understand your purpose in life can be life-changing during distressing times. Consider spirituality as a helpful coping resource to help you manage upsetting memories and thoughts in the future.
