If you work or go to school together, do your best to focus on your task at hand or an absorbing thought. You may not be able to forget that they’re nearby, but you should try to keep yourself distracted as much as possible.
In some cases, blocking them altogether may not be the best solution. [3] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019. The more you try to put something out of your mind, the more likely you are to think about it. Checking their social media feed in controlled sessions may help you gradually overcome the urge to stalk.
That said, as time goes by, you should start to gradually accept the breakup. It may take a few months, and you may have bad days or experience ebbs and flows. As much as it hurts, remind yourself throughout the process that you will heal, you deserve to move on, and remaining stuck in the past isn’t worth your energy.
For instance, sign up for a gardening or yoga class, take up rock climbing, or join a local sports league. Pursuing new hobbies and goals also helps promote self-compassion. Sometimes, stalking and obsessive thoughts are a response to feeling down about yourself. Learning new skills, meeting new people, and achieving new goals can help boost your self-esteem. [7] X Research source
Lighthearted, casual dates can help remind you that there are other fish in the sea. Staying hooked on your ex is counterproductive, and your happiness is worth more than dwelling on the past.
Set an alarm and stop obsessing, grieving, or stalking at 7:30 on the dot. Aim to shorten your designated window by 5 or 10 minutes each week. Eventually, try going 10 days in between windows, then 2 weeks, and so on until you no longer need designated obsession sessions. You’ll probably have a hard time if you try to stop thinking about your ex altogether. Instead, gradually train yourself to move past your obsessive thoughts and urges to stalk.
For instance, think of a fire truck with a blaring siren warning you to get your mind off of your ex. Say or think to yourself, “I’m not going to think about that until next Tuesday. ” Try doing an absorbing activity, like drawing, cooking, listening to upbeat music, or exercising.
For instance, if you find it hard to resist urges to stalk your ex on social media when you drink alcohol, avoid drinking. If you start thinking about them when you’re home alone, make a list of chores and activities that can keep your mind occupied.
Try visualizing a starry sky, and imagine that each star is a thought. Picture the stars fading away until just the one that represents your breathing remains. Focus on that star, and try to maintain a clear mind for 20 minutes.
When you hang out with family and friends, you don’t need to talk about your ex or your obsessive feelings if it makes you uncomfortable. By all means, vent if you need to, or just do a fun activity together to get your mind off of things.
Say, “Hey, I’m not doing so well right now, can we grab a coffee?” or “I need to get my mind off of things. Do you have time for a chat?” Again, you don’t have to talk about your ex, obsessive thoughts, or urges to stalk. Get it off of your chest and vent if you need to, or just shoot the breeze with your bestie to change your frame of mind.
Sometimes, stalking and obsessive behavior is related to past traumas, insecurity, or mental illness. If necessary, an experienced mental health professional can help you work through the underlying causes of obsessive thoughts and behavior. [16] X Research source
