Try saying, “I want to apologize for how awful I have been to you. I know I can’t take it back, but I do want to tell you that I am truly sorry. It won’t happen ever again. ” If it is too difficult to do in person right now, then send him an email, text, or even write him a note. He may not accept your apology immediately. Understand that he probably has some negative feelings towards you that may take time to get over — he also may not trust that you are being sincere. Use your behavior to support your apology and over time he will see your sincerity and forgive you.
Think about the immediate and short-term effects of bullying. What effect could this have on you and the person that you are bullying right now and later? Think about different ways you can address the situation and interact with that person. Can you ignore her or even try being nice? Think about the person you are trying to be. Is bullying in line with that?
Pay someone a compliment or just ask him how his day is going. Volunteer or donate something to a local charity or your favorite cause. Become a tutor or mentor for someone.
Instead of harassing the person, accept that she is different and even accept that you aren’t completely comfortable with that difference. Try to learn more about the person. Although she may have some things about her that you don’t like, you may find out something about her that you actually like. If you simply cannot accept the person, then just leave her alone.
Taking a few deep breaths is one way to calm down in the moment. Try picturing yourself someplace fun and peaceful. Do something that calms you like drawing, listening to music, or even exercising.
If possible, leave the immediate area so that you can calm down. In some situations, you may not be able to leave the room, such as if you are in the middle of class. In this type of situation, try to go to another area in the room or just turn away from the person.
Meeting new people will allow you to have a ‘fresh start’ without the reputation of bullying. New friends can help support you when you feel you may be about to bully someone.
Instead of calling yourself a bully, try saying to yourself, “I have bullied in the past, but that’s not something I do anymore. ” Think about your positive qualities, skills, and talents. Use these things to identify yourself. For example, say to yourself, “I am funny and smart. ”
Bullying can get you into trouble if reported or get you hurt if someone decides to retaliate. It can cause you to lose friends and cause people you don’t even know to dislike you. Your self-image and confidence can be lowered because of your bullying. Some people who were bullies as children have problems with their adult relationships, friendships, and careers. [7] X Research source
Some people bully others because they have been bullied or are being bullied themselves. Some people that bully have been the victim or abuse or trauma. If either of these is your situation, talk to someone you trust about what happened to you. Other people bully because they want attention, or to feel powerful. Some people bully because of their beliefs about race, sexuality, religion, etc. They are often uncomfortable with people they consider ‘different. ’ Don’t blame the other person as the reason why you bully them. The other person is not responsible for your actions; you are. Even if he did something to you in the past, your actions and your response now are under your control.
Explore various deep breathing techniques. Changing your breathing is one simple way to calm down quickly and appropriately handle a situation. Look into meditation and mindfulness strategies. These techniques are often successful in reducing anxiety and stress, which can lead to bullying behavior.
How did you feel about yourself when this was happening? Try to remember the exact feelings you had. For example, did you feel worthless, uncool, unlikable? These are some of the feelings the person you are bullying may feel because of what you are doing. How did you feel about the person who made you feel this way? Were you angry with him? Were you afraid of him? That’s how the person you are bullying probably feels about you.
Think about how the person feels when she sees you coming. Dread? Resignation? Do you think she has had to change her habits (what time she or arrives or leaves, which route she takes, etc. ) just to avoid interacting with you? Consider how she feels as you are in the act of bullying her. Think about the emotions she experiences, as well as the impact those emotions have on her. How does she feel after your interactions? Shaken? Angry? Hurt? Scared? Relieved? How hard is it for her to continue what she was doing?
1/3 of people bullied later start doing things like cutting themselves and other forms of self-harm. [13] X Research source 80% of youth suicides are because of bullying. Many people that have been bullied have problems with their school and work performance over time. [14] X Research source
Do people avoid you or automatically treat you like they expect you to bully them? Even though you may have a reputation for being mean and a bully, you can change this.
